If there is something that makes me incredibly envious, it is all those blogs that carry reports of blogger meets. You see, I live in a remote corner of the world, a corner where there is one Indian blogger. Why, even North Dakota would be a better place than this. These days, I am consumed by thoughts of blogger meets, and my favorite dream goes like this:
Venue: An expensive coffee shop somewhere in the world. We had called ahead to book the biggest table in the house, but when we enter, some poor sod is sitting there all by himself, sipping coffee. There are a couple of guys on the next table, gawking without shame, periodically interrupting their gawking to type something on their laptops.
Amit: “Waiter, looks like our table isn’t available yet.”
Waiter: “Why yes sir, let me go tell the guy to move to another table.”
PrufrockTwo: “One should give him a few minutes. Let the poor guy finish his coffee.”
Dilip: (Ears perking up on hearing the word poor): “Who said something about finishing the poor? Haven’t we done that enough already? We should all give up our houses for them for this city runs on their sweat. I took a train journey through India last week, and there was this poor lady who grinned at me through her tears of hunger. She had a red saree on her, how symbolic. That’s India for you.”
Meanwhile, someone arrives.
Hurree Babu: “Hello, I am Hureee”
Me: (to anonymous blogger sitting next to me): “Hurree Babu is a cross-dresser?”
Anonymous Blogger: “No you dork. Hurree Babu is her pseudonym.”
Suitably chastised, I shut up for the rest of the meeting. The poor guy finishes his coffee, and we are all seated. Another arrival now.
J Alfred Prufrock: “Hello everyone, sorry I’m a little late.”
Chandrahas: “That’s ok, dear sir. Dear waiter, can you please bring me a cup of coffee?”
Falstaff: “Coffee reminds me of a poem.” Starts speaking in verse.
Amit: Looks around at the glum faces. “Ok, let me break the ice with a joke. The license raj is a joke. Big Government is a joke. God is a joke. Heh. That was three jokes in one.”
J Alfred Prufrock: “Great joke! Let me ask you guys a question that has been bothering me for some time. I’d like to find out how you tell someone their coffee sucks.”
Nilu: “You puke on them.”
Waiters: “You seem to be hinting our coffee sucks. We smell superiority. You are a pompous man.”
J Alfred Prufrock: “Oh no, That’s not what I meant. I mean, I was not trying to make a statement on the quality of this specific coffee. I was idly wondering about a potential social situation.”
Tilotamma: “Idly? Idlies make my mouth water. Especially with coconut chutney. Man, oh man.”
J Alfred Prufrock: “As an addendum, I would like to issue a clarification; your coffee might actually be ok.”
Waiters: “Might?”
Falstaff: “Give the poor guy a break will you, all he did was ask an academic question.”
Dilip: “Poor? Did someone say poor? Yes, the poor need a break from capitalist oppression.”
Amit: “Cut it out will ya? Waiter, can I get another coffee please? With cow’s milk. Cows are very cool.”
Bridalbeer: ” Brian liked Mountain Dew. Bill does too. But I don’t. Meanwhile, the dog barks. A good cup of coffee helps people ruminate. It also helps them urinate.”
PrufrockTwo: “One is impressed by your convoluted logic. One would have never thought ruminate and urinate could be linked together so effortlessly. One would like to point you to a story on how great writers ruminate that appeared in this Zambian newspaper.”
Bridalbeer: “Brian surfs the internets. He shows as always Away on Yahoo. Ruminators are wimps. The barking dog is gone now.”
J Alfred Prufrock: “Interesting points. All three of them. I would like to add a corrigendum to my earlier response. Did I mention my question was purely academic?”
Dilip: “Did you say poorly academic? How can the poor think of academics when their houses are being destroyed?”
Rohan: “Who said something about letting the poor be? Haven’t we done that enough already? We should give up our houses for them for this city runs on their sweat. I took a train journey through India last week, and there was this poor lady who grinned at me through her tears of hunger. She had a red saree on her, how ironic.”
Dilip: “Yes, exactly.”
Kiru: Sneezes.
Anon Commenter 1: “That was cool.”
Anon Commenter 2: “Very cool machan.”
Anon Commenter 3: “I love the way you sneeze.”
Kiru: “Thanks. I will post pictures tomorrow.”
Rohan: “Ok, Let me break the ice by starting off with a joke. The license raj is a joke. Big Governement is a joke. God is a joke. Heh. That was three jokes in one.”
PrufrockTwo: “One gets the feeling one has heard this joke before..”
Dilip: “So what if he plagiarized a joke? It was a bad joke to start off with. Goverment is not funny business.”
BridalBeer: “The smell of thievery wafts in like a gentle breeze. Brian lacked chivalry. His shoelaces never stay tied.”
Nilu: “Puke.”
Jabberwock: Lifts head up from book, checks out crowd, and buries head back.
Chandrahas: “Time to end, I guess. This meet is almost as long as my posts.”
Amit: “Wait, I wanted to talk about why Big Government sucks. Maybe a few more minutes.”
J Alfred Prufrock: “A few more minutes is fine. I don’t know if I mentioned that I thought the coffee here is actually much better than the one I make…”
Amit: “I guess you were right, Hash. We should be leaving.”
As we walk out, I asked the anonymous blogger next to me who the gawkers at the next table were.
“Oh them? They are the Desipundit guys. They keep track of everything that happens in the blogosphere.”
“Ah!”
PS: In case you didn’t notice, this post is categorized under Humor. Heh.
29 Responses to “Meet the Bloggers”
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That was ultimate fun..enjoyed thoroughly..
Meet the Bloggers
http://www.stochastica.net/2005/10/07/meet-the-bloggers/...
[…] Karthik misses being part of a bloggers meet and instead makes up one of his own. […]
Nice one!
Where’s Manoj?…
Last I checked, he was busy learning to deliver left hooks. Plus I have blog meets with him all the time.
hilarious!
Very Funny (and true)! I liked the Kiru part the best — what is your take on lazygeek
Hey, that’s EXACTLY what I do! How did you guess?
Mullai, email better
Jai — just curious, which book was it?
I think I wont like blogger meets at all. Isnt bloggin suppose to mean that were very far away from each other and not suppose to meet?
But I think I would like a blogger meet such as above somewhere far far away, where I would just sit and stare at everyone.
A very funny post indeed.
I am sure there is a blogger in Florida we can rustle up for you.
The Kiru and Dilip parts made me rotfl.
“Nahi Nigah mai manzil to justajoo hi sahi
Nahi visaal muyaasar to aarzoo hi sahi
Kisi tarah to jame bazm maykade waalon
Nahin jo bada-o-saagar to ha-o-hoo hi sahi”
- Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Translation (mine, therefore terrible):
Out of sight of destinations
We survive on the quest;
With no chance of ever meeting
We make do with hope.
There must be a way to make
This gathering come alive -
If there is no hope of alcohol
We shall get drunk on laughter.
Falstaff, you are like a walking encylopedia of verse — I am amazed at how you pick the perfect poem for each occasion!
Gp, Ph, Surya: Thanks.
superb post.Now I know what i missed by not attending last Bloggers meet in Mumbai.-PK
Was directed here by a kind soul named Smiley.
Luvverly! I was really laughing out loud.
J.A.P.
J.A.P. — you kinda made my day today
Thanks.
V Funny. The Kiruba bit, in particular, rocked. Well done.
And I’m not like that in person!
You forgot to add this comment on Kiruba:
Anon commenter 4:
Anon Commenter 3: “I love the way you sneeze.”
You out of your mind Anon commenter 3?
Kiruba, this isn’t expected out of you. You should be more responsible. How can you spoil us all with such a graphic description of your sneeze? Imagine our future generation
Amit, Thanks
Ravages,
. Yeah, but that would probably be a whole other post.
Hey Karthik,
You must be a fairly regular reader at the blogs whose bloggers you mentioned! Highly observant:-)
It was hilarious. Excellent stuff:-)
Minal, Thanks. I only picked the ones with some style… so a lot of the credit goes to them.
Just for the record I hate idlis
I also hate puking and all
…
brilliant!!
which remote corner of the world are you in? I am in Finland and pretty sure I am the only Indian one around .. was thinking of a psuedo meet on my own lines..would post abt that soon..
hilarious!! especially the bridalbeer parts…ROTFL!
Oops. Just came across this. One applauds