Gra­ham Greene, we hear, sucked at spelling. And so, when play­ing Scrab­ble, he resorted to the clas­sic poor speller’s trick: quoign­ing new words.

The prob­lem, accord­ing to Meyer, was that [Gra­ham] Greene’s spelling was “deeply dubi­ous”, and the pair did not have a dic­tio­nary. Dur­ing a stay in Tahiti, Greene pro­duced the words “zeb”, which he claimed was an Eliz­a­bethan word for “cock”, and “quoign” which he insisted was Shake­spearean, quot­ing: “Yon castle’s quoign that Duncan’s spirit haunts.”

Meyer thought the line was as dubi­ous as Greene’s spelling and, in the sul­try Tahit­ian nights, tem­pers frayed. The pair were still argu­ing when they reached San Fran­cisco, months later. They ran straight from the ship to a second-hand book store and found a dictionary.

The word was in, spelled “quoin”, which sat­is­fied Greene, though as Meyer pointed out, “quoin” would not have landed on a triple let­ter score.

I don’t feel so bad now for trick­ing my eleven year old nephew into believ­ing that qyon­der was the one of the few words in Eng­lish where a u didn’t fol­low the q. Think it meant a prob­lem at a dis­tant place. I hope he men­tions me in his auto­bi­og­ra­phy, but given that he hasn’t both­ered to look up qyon­der yet, that is a very dis­tant pos­si­bil­ity. He isn’t that good at cricket either.

Mr Greene and Scrab­ble (Through Book­slut)

Mean­while, every­one else in the world seems to have watched the new Pot­ter movie. I want to go watch it tomor­row, so that I can tell peo­ple that the book was so much bet­ter than the movie. To make that state­ment with author­ity, I had to read the book first, so I read it online here — check back next week for the post that tells you the book is so much bet­ter than the movie.

The Guardian Digested Read is my (very belated) find of the year.

Why, I even read the entire dirty book that Fal­staff talks about so much. In five min­utes, no less. Let’s see you beat that buddy.

And before I sign off, check out Gayathri’s crisp lit­tle review of Harold Pinter’s A Birth­day Party. And wish the soon to be mar­ri­a­jed (damn, that’s bet­ter than qyon­der) Veena. To bal­ance out the sexes, here’s another bad speller exposed.

Update: Some­how, this post would like to think it spawned this one. It feels rather proud about the fact.

It is as if we are too pug-nosed indi­vid­u­ally, but together, we cre­ate a patri­cian nose a Roman would be proud of. And from atop that noble pro­boscis, we gaze down upon the world. For all our toils for the sake of being included, exclu­sion is the ulti­mate reward.

  6 Responses to “Quoigning Words And Digesting Tales”

  1. Diss not the HP series. Hope you’re not a Pot­ter hater…

  2. Wow — Scrab­ble & Harry Pot­ter — two of my all time favorite hob­bies in the same post! The movie was very good, albeit with its share of com­plain­ables. As for scrab­ble, when I finally gave up try­ing to find peo­ple to play with me, and turned to online games at Yahoo, it took me AGES to get used to think­ing of ‘ae’ and ‘um’ as words that got you points!

  3. I am not a Pot­ter hater, no. But some­where dur­ing the third book, I kinda grew tired of it, so stopped keep­ing up. I watch all the movies reli­giously — doesn’t that count? Pliss don’t be ostra­ciz­ing me.

    Ae is a word? Nice.

  4. cheater cheater, pump­kin (juice) eater!
    no fair dude — that was the worst syn­op­sis i have read (hey you get more from my blog post about the movie!)
    believe me, you try short-cutting pot­ter and you’ll meet a lot of resis­tance from die-hard fans — me at the forefront!

  5. Prashant, you really thought the syn­op­sis was bad? I just got done explain­ing to DoZ that I am not a Pot­ter hater, so pliss don’t be diss­ing me here. Harry rules.

  6. I don’t dis­like Pot­ter, but the books became tire­some (book 5 was tough, and i haven’t both­ered with the latest).…..but the movies (IMO) have been largely very enter­tain­ing. This one’s too.…:-)

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