Impressions of New York – Displaced Southerner Edition
When I first came to New York, I recall being shocked by how polite people were. And how clean the trains were. Of course in those days, I was a newbie who’d just arrived from Haryana. In Gurgaon, we offered sacrifices to favorite gods if we got our mail (and if you got it on time, you bumped the offering up to include a virgin or two, depending on how critical the mail was), so I may have been just a tad easy to please.
Now, I’m not so sure… My ‘welcome to the city’ package tells me that I won’t be permitted to remove my out-of-towner badge till I poke at least 8 adults and one kid with my umbrella. Or close the elevator door on at least 25 people who work in the same building as I do. It’s been tough going, because I keep cancelling out my rudeness quota by allowing folks to pass me in Times Square…
I also have a nasty habit of smiling at everybody on the street. I was not always this way. I must have picked up the habit in Texas, because there you meet about 3 people a year (and that’s in a good year), who’re also out walking, and generally partaking of nature from outside their SUVs. At any rate, it’s high time I made a start at achieving my rudeness goals. I can either buy myself an umbrella with a really sharp point, or I can take the quicker, but more challenging route of tripping up an old person on some stair way. (Challenging because nice old grand-motherly types here are quite crafty, and will likely run you over with their motorized wheel-chairs if you don’t watch out.)
Graffiti I never noticed before has cropped up all over the city. The last time I spent any serious amount of time in New York was in 2003. When I innocently ask folks if the Mayor has cut spending since then, I’m told that I have no aesthetic sense, followed by a muttering that sounds a lot like “trucking Texan”. But before I can protest that I never drove a truck in Texas, they walk away.
Folks in New York leave me bewildered for all sorts of reasons. Take food, for instance. How anyone is supposed to survive on such itty-bitty portion sizes, I don’t know. Don’t they know that the only reason to go to a restaurant is to stuff yourself with so much food that you can only fit into an SUV? Besides, with all the walking one does here, don’t people get hungry by the time they reach home? After getting nothing but blank stares when I ask waiters to “New York size” my meals, I’ve taken to buying 2 orders of everything. Honestly, if I wanted scraps, I would’ve stayed at home.
It’s a good thing I didn’t always live in Texas. Otherwise, I may never have known that you can actually use your feet to walk from place to place. (In fact the only folks in Texas who’re out walking because they’re going somewhere are desis, mostly Aunty-ji’s and Uncle-ji’s who’re visiting their children and telling each other how Texas is as hot as Delhi or Madras or Kumbakonam.) Just I learnt that “it’s a short drive” is not a good phrase to hear in Texas, I’m now learning to be wary of the phrase “oh, it’s a walk!” This phrase seems to cover distances ranging from a four minute jaunt to the Dandi march. These are the times when am glad that Manhattan is a relatively small area, and technically one could walk from one end to another without simultaneously setting world records.
When I moved to Texas, all my friends advised me to get myself a Texas millionaire (as though they were being given away at the local dollar store, but I suppose it’s the thought that counts) I knew it was wrong of me to keep putting that off…I spent most of yesterday wishing I had a sugar daddy. Not just any sugar daddy, but one who makes 80 times my rent-to-be, has a pristine credit history, and wants nothing more from life other than to be my guarantor. Let other women have the sparkly trinkets – I’d pledge eternal gratitude for a rented studio.
In Dallas, I got used to being surrounded by Southerners, and not just the American kind. In fact, I did more things Tamil in Dallas than I ever did in India. Manhattan is not the same. In the custody battle between the city-folks and the Jersey-folks, someone decided that we’d get Saravana Bhavan, while the theaters and DVD stores would live with the ex in Edison. Before the fight got too bloody, someone decided to make Queens the guardian of grocery stores and the temple. Queens is a neutral party to the proceedings, because as far as I know no Tamilian actually seems to live in or care about Queens. At the end of the day, Tamilians in the city apparently manage by watching Hindi movies and going down to 28th street to drown their sorrows in some excellent Sambar. And every resident of Jersey as well as Manhattan feels truly blessed when taking his or her personal assortment of trains, drives and buses to get to the temple in Queens. Which proves that religion works, although not always in the ways they’d it like to.
Oh well. I’ve got to go now. I must go practice. It’s part of the prescribed syllabus, you see. At my upcoming ‘Now you’re a New Yorker’ ceremony, I need to stand up in front of an audience and say, “Hmph. Out-of-towners!” and deliver the line with a sneer. And I’ve been told that if I don’t get the sneer right, I’ll be sent back!
Comments (9 comments)
Doz,
Good one. NYC seems to have made your writing funnier. I enjoyed the drowning our sorrows in sambhar part. Looking forward to more of your experiences from over yonder (still remember that from TX?).
Nithya / August 29th, 2006, 5:41 pm / #
“When I innocently ask folks if the Mayor has cut spending since then, I’m told that I have no aesthetic sense, followed by a muttering that sounds a lot like ‘trucking Texan’. But before I can protest that I never drove a truck in Texas, they walk away.”
Very funny!
Gauravonomics / August 29th, 2006, 10:30 pm / #
Great post, the custody battle part was hilarious
WA / August 30th, 2006, 10:03 am / #
its just a matter of time before NYC actually embraces you as one of our own. Its called a melting pot for a reason.
Driving in NYC is a pain unless you go as crazy as the cabdrivers and are good at zig-zag (lanes? what lanes?)
We are really polite compare to londoners. those snooty english-men think they can look down on you while sipping their “tea with a bit of lemon”. and dont even get me started on their bad breath.
sorry for the long comment
p.s. I also need a Sugar-mama!!!
Jeet / August 30th, 2006, 2:18 pm / #
Nithya, Gauravonomics, WA: Thank you!
Jeet: Never been to London and will take your word for it. And I kid New Yorkers. I love the city, and am sure I’ll feel at home in no time at all.
DoZ / August 30th, 2006, 3:42 pm / #
In Gurgaon, we offered sacrifices to favorite gods if we got our mail (and if you got it on time, you bumped the offering up to include a virgin or two, depending on how critical the mail was)
hahahaha
swati / September 1st, 2006, 11:43 am / #
Doz,
You can’t take pride about NYC’s Saravana Bhavan any longer as NJ (Edison) is getting a bigger Saravana Bhavan (6000 sq. ft approx) pretty soon.
Kaps / September 8th, 2006, 11:31 am / #
Swati: Thank you. Am glad you enjoyed the post.
Kaps: :p Good. The NJ crowd won’t crowd us out of “our’s” now. But kidding apart - I just hope they don’t decide to close this one!
DoZ / September 15th, 2006, 6:03 pm / #
Hilarious :).
NYC is a place you fall in love with slowly. i moved there from Boston and in the beginning i felt just the way u narrate.
and oh, i miss few restaurants on Lex/Curry Hill and Kati Roll, Indian Bread Co. in Midtown…..and the Temple at Main Street, Flushing.
musical / November 23rd, 2006, 5:43 pm / #
Post a comment