Novocaine superhero
Today I had a couple of teeth extracted.
Till this afternoon, I’d never felt like an action hero. I’ve indulged in the occasional wishful thinking, sure. But I’d never imagined what it might be like to gouge a bullet out of my arm with a blunt pen knife, or walk barefoot on shards of broken glass, or like the new Bond I like so much, taunt some evil torture master with, “C’mon, is that all you got? Give me more, go on, just try me!” Didn’t see the point in such an exercise. But thanks to my new magic potion, Novocaine, I know better.
The feeling of absolute invincibility that Novocaine confers is something, isn’t it? A tooth and its companion were ripped apart, there was so much blood that it had to be sucked up by a machine, and I didn’t feel a thing! I lay there thinking, “Ho hum… what, over already?” While biting down on a piece of gauze, I knew my powers far exceeded that of the run of the mill action hero. I was clearly in superhero territory! My power - invincible jaws! I’d be able to bite my way out of any trouble. That was it! The bad guys could lock me up in a cage made of reinforced concrete, but I’d tunnel myself out - with nothing but my teeth! I’d rescue orphans by chewing and spitting out the atomic bomb at their orphanage…
I needed a suitable superhero name - Jaw Girl? God, I hope not! Super Smile? Yuck - that sounds like a toothpaste…Bitey? Hmm… not bad - kind of like Spidy… Just as I was about to start composing a tune for the theme song, the nurse gave me instructions about the diet I should stick to for the next few days. Of course! Every superhero has some chink in his or her otherwise invincible armour - my personal Kryptonite was going to be crunchy food - after the Novocaine wore off, and I returned to my Peter Parker-like self.
I can picture my life as Bitey - some bad guy would threaten to harm something or the other, and instead of running into a corner and stripping off my street clothes to reveal my superhero costume, I’d run off into a corner and call Dr. Elias, my oral surgeon. No, wait, that sort of puts a damper on things, doesn’t it? No matter, I’d learn to give myself Novocaine injections. So, let’s go back - random evil person(s) threaten(s) harm to random good person(s), I immediately retire to the nearest nook, take out my dental syringe, and shoot myself up with Novocaine. Make quick work of the baddies, and then quietly go home, stopping only to pick up a pack of frozen peas on the way. I’d reflect on the day’s happenings with contentment, as I held that bag of peas to my face, soothing my ravaged gums. Being Bitey would give me the immense satisfaction of rescuing defenseless old women, heck, entire cities even, but that pleasure would come at a price. I’d never be able to eat murukku or seedai or Biscotti again. I’d have to live exclusively on Gerber’s. Hmm… maybe not so bad a deal, eh?
Well, I have to go now. The Codeine is starting to kick in now. And that calls for a whole other kind of superhero.
Comments (3 comments)
Are you this boring all the time? That was more painful to read than having a tooth extracted.
Vijay / December 5th, 2006, 2:50 pm / #
Nice and a funny description..Jaw girl..Novocaine does wonders..lol
Fido / December 29th, 2006, 2:50 pm / #
I wanna hear abt the Codeine super hero now
chipmunk / December 29th, 2006, 5:10 pm / #
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