Home (?) Coming
I’m in Madras for the first time in five years. Practically everyone I’d met in those years assured me that I wouldn’t recognize Madras at all. I was also frowned at for continuing to call the city by its old name, with all its colonial connotations. Unexpectedly, I find myself in a city that I placed on a pedestal not so long ago, but have since started fearing. After all these years, will it feel like home? And if it doesn’t, what do I do?
After about four days here, I’m astounded by how little it has changed. Places I remember from my college days are exactly where they used to be - Landmark, Balaji Bhavan in Pondy Bazar, Sangeetha in Nungabakkam, even the little marble Pullayar near Sangeetha that I used to secretly think of as my lucky charm. The streets are as full of Mamas on their scooters as they are with younger men who look cool despite the April heat because they are on their Yamahas. After a six year hiatus, my old neighbor is moving back next door, and continues to drop in for a few minutes’ chat, but stays on for an hour or two, while my mom and I pace around in silent frustration, making eyes at my father. Mom fills me in on family gossip - cousins now have their own children, but everyone continues to have the same minor but apparently insoluble grievances as before. The television plays movies and songs from the 80s - Mohan and Ranjini sing and dance in the middle of what appears to be a thriving dhobi’s backyard, with miles of clotheslines bearing their colorful loads.
Of course, there are changes. As Mohan chases Ranjini around that dhobi’s backyard, a small box at the bottom of the screen displays SMS messages from viewers. ‘Sathish’ is a particularly persistent viewer. He repeatedly proclaims his love for UMA (his caps), his terms of endearment being the only variation: I love you de UMA or UMA I love you daaaaa. Birthday wishes are broadcast to ‘Ultimate Star Thala Ajith’ or to his fan (I can’t quite make out finer distinctions in this SMS lingo everyone now speaks). Cousins who were ye high when I last saw them now tower over me. They go to college and claim to have discovered what ‘life’ is all about. They offer to “take care” of me at restaurants and on the streets, and I gladly accept.
And what of myself? I try to be wary of expressing my opinions, lest I be perceived as another NRI bitch who’s forgotten her roots. Every time I express enthusiasm for New York, I feel guilty afterwards. I realize that at some point in the last three and half years, what is ‘enga ooru’ and what is ‘unga ooru’ has changed. Every use of ‘unga’ when ‘enga’ (or worse ‘namma’) is expected, I fear I’m signaling to my parents that I’m no longer their little girl, but some woman from half way across the world.
I find it disconcerting to walk along streets where music that only my laptop plays blazes out loud from tea shops and auto rickshaws. As Tamil voices surround me, I feel naked. If these people could hear me think, they would understand. No more muttering “muttal” or “mada sambrani” when someone bumps into me.
My parents (mom in particular) appear to be equally puzzled by me. My mom is surprised when I still ask for a glass of Boost in the morning, and drink it up in one gulp, just like I used to when I was in school. She seems to be wary when I talk of my disillusionment with Tamil movies. I’m not sure what she finds more bewildering - that I am so disdainful of something that she clearly enjoys, or that a child of hers could care so much for something as trivial as a movie.
On my third day in Madras (am afraid I’m going to continue to call it that) I am more or less over my jet lag. The heat was a bit overwhelming at first, as my body adjusted to 90+ degrees from a little over half as much in less than 24 hours, but I’ve managed just fine. My insisting that it gets just as hot in New York is treated with indulgent smiles, and offers to turn on the A/C are renewed. Everyone is surprised I still fit into my old clothes. It takes them a while to realize that I’m the exception who proves the “NRI-loses-20-pounds” rule.
On my first day back, a houseful of relatives encourage me to go take a ‘nap’ at 5 in the evening. I wake up a little after midnight, and for about 15 seconds, I feel how wild party animals probably feel like all the time. 15 seconds is how long it takes me to answer those vital questions: Whose bed is this? Who’s the other sleeping figure in the room? What country am I in?
The next day, I realize that my mom’s been busy during my little ‘nap’. She’s collected details on almost every aspect of my life in New York from her sister who’s been visiting with me for the last 10 or so days. I appear to have gotten full marks as a tour guide (”She took me to Times Square, and taught me how to ride the subway.”); as a half decent cook (”Well, at least she has a reasonably well stocked kitchen.”) and what I secretly hope is the judgment on the marriage question (”It won’t be easy - she watches movies with subtitles, and that too, in the theater! She also had two bottles of wine in her fridge. She said something about dinner invitees bringing the liquor, but we’d only be kidding ourselves if we buy that story.”)
Assorted aunts and grandmothers surround me, with their talk of Alamelu, and Logu and assorted Karthiks (including shortened “Karthi’s” and the not so diminutive “Karthikeyan’s”) and Senthils. They gleefully pronounce their verdict on a recent wedding: the orchid garlands were gorgeous, the food terrible, the bride’s father suspected of belonging to a different religion from ours, the bride’s uncle accused of wearing too much make up, the bride herself suspected of being adopted (she’s apparently way nicer than her parents)? As I laugh helplessly at these and a myriad other outrageous innuendos and real complaints, I realize that I am very much home indeed.
Comments (26 comments)
Firstly, let me say that was brilliantly captured… I’m still not able to call myself an NRI (despite being abroad for a year already) and my heart bleeds to think that my precious madras might be busy changing in the meanwhile.
I go back home to madras this summer with a certain sense of apprehension, hoping that not too much has changed in this year and yet somehow quite sure that new IT-ised “Chennai” is taking over!
And oh, I’ve meet and know quite a few people, thought it might seem quite silly, that continue to call the ol’ hometown Madras and cringe at the the thought of saying anything else..
It was lovely reading.. Thanks again for a very well expressed post.. Made me feel quite nostalgic about living there!
Sneha / May 3rd, 2007, 3:07 am / #
[...] Posted by பிரேமலதா on May 3rd, 2007 I’m in Madras for the first time in five years. Practically everyone I’d met in those years assured me that I wouldn’t recognize Madras at all. …. [...]
Home coming « கதம்ப மாலை / May 3rd, 2007, 5:45 am / #
Brilliant, as always…
No more muttering “muttal” or “mada sambrani” when someone bumps into me.
You are VERY polite only, even for a lady!
I’m the exception who proves the NRI-loses-20-pounds” rule.
Errr… exception? When was that the rule?
anantha / May 3rd, 2007, 9:03 am / #
“And what of myself? I try to be wary of expressing my opinions, lest I be perceived as another NRI bitch who’s forgotten her roots. Every time I express enthusiasm for New York, I feel guilty afterwards.” Could not have said it better.I have lived in NY for the last 10 yrs and everytime I go home, I feel the same way.
TJ / May 3rd, 2007, 11:32 am / #
Nice write up…I can easily empathize…
Gowri Shankar / May 3rd, 2007, 4:23 pm / #
This is total crap. I have been out of Madras for almost a decade and dated girls of different nationalities and still look forward to go to madras and if I do make it, have a swell time with no bitching. I do not understand the folks who just step into US for a few years and talk as if they cannot adjust to heat and dust in Madras. or May be it is just middle class madras folks from T Nagar/Mylapore/Nanganallur who just see the foreign shores first time in their life either through a job or an arranged marriage and moan about the living standards in Chennai
levi272 / May 3rd, 2007, 5:24 pm / #
Welcome home.
Ravages / May 3rd, 2007, 11:22 pm / #
Sneha: Thank you. You might notice more changes if you’ve been here so recently. I expected just about everything I knew to be gone, and am greatly relieved that not everything has disappeared.
Anantha: Thank you. And as for my being polite, we like to think of this as a PG blog
As for the 20 pound rule - welcome to the club my friend… I have since been told that it is a 15-20 “kilo” rule…What to do - I’ve been getting by by letting it be known that I cook really well.
TJ: Thank you.
Gowri Shankar: Thank you.
levi272: I do love Madras, and this post wasn’t meant to be bitchy…but guess my insisting isn’t going to make a difference.
Ravages: Thank you
DoZ / May 4th, 2007, 1:37 am / #
It’s the perfect picture of returning to somewhere so familiar and yet suddenly strange. I’ve lived in London for 5 years now and yet I still think of India and my parents house as home when we visit. And yet my home is here is very established here in London with my husband. I feel an elastic band moment coming on!
30in2005 / May 4th, 2007, 8:03 am / #
Hey!
Loved your post - as a fellow Madrasi (I cannot think of it as Chennai too!) and a fellow NRI denizen. Long time since I heard ‘mada sambrani’ - lovely, lovely writeup. Keep ‘em coming.
desigirl / May 4th, 2007, 8:08 am / #
Enjoyed reading your post!!!
Venky / May 4th, 2007, 6:22 pm / #
great you had fun time.. but I fail to understand about change vs. no-change. any place is bond to change with time so do we. to expect hometown is be as it was is impossible (not even any small village will be same after years since every village has suntv now..))
Madras will change for better with time but it will keep its tradition for long.. and we will keep our memories stored in some corner of our brain & heart..
afterall home is always home..
Yuva / May 7th, 2007, 2:25 am / #
[...] etcetera on “home”coming. From New York to Madras. “On my first day back, a houseful of relatives encourage me to go take a ‘nap’ at 5 in the evening. I wake up a little after midnight, and for about 15 seconds, I feel how wild party animals probably feel like all the time. 15 seconds is how long it takes me to answer those vital questions: Whose bed is this? Who’s the other sleeping figure in the room? What country am I in?” Share This [...]
Global Voices Online » India: Madras and Home / May 7th, 2007, 2:41 pm / #
First time home in 5 years???? Hope you’re making up for all that lost time! ensoi
shoefiend / May 8th, 2007, 3:54 am / #
[...] +: etcetera :+ on Madras and homecoming. Wonderfully heartwarming. And what of myself? I try to be wary of expressing my opinions, lest I be perceived as another NRI bitch who’s forgotten her roots. Every time I express enthusiasm for New York, I feel guilty afterwards. I realize that at some point in the last three and half years, what is ‘enga ooru’ and what is ‘unga ooru’ has changed. Every use of ‘unga’ when ‘enga’ (or worse ‘namma’) is expected, I fear I’m signaling to my parents that I’m no longer their little girl, but some woman from half way across the world. [...]
DesiPundit » Archives » Home And Madras / May 8th, 2007, 5:01 am / #
I see you come from a family fond of murugan names for boys as well…hope you have a good time at home!
curiouscat / May 8th, 2007, 5:35 am / #
I’m here in Dubai for over 7 months and I keep asking my parents and friends :”Madras change ayducha?” Most of them get irritated. But like Sneha said, my heart aches just when I think my city might have changed.
Excellent post! Good and crispy writing as well. The same thoughts and sentiments that I would experience.
Ashwin / May 8th, 2007, 8:26 am / #
Terrific post Doz. I’m a sucker for posts like this that kick the mind into nostalgic thoughts. And it’s still Madras for me, though I do sometimes drift into Chennai.
The key question though is, why are the wine bottles in the fridge? Unless it’s a good riesling or something, or a terrible 3$ wine that you want to mask the taste of, shouldn’t they be nice and comfy at “room temperature”??
sunil / May 8th, 2007, 7:01 pm / #
Wow, I thought the cheese and all the fatty junk helps you gain weight _ where do you lose those 20 precious pounds please let me know!
ALSO I feel so damn sorry for you - Now you don’t belong anywhere! wow good job!
You did not have to be born here to be confused - you made it in just 5 years!
Ohh yaa just to be clear, NRI does not imply knighthood, nothing cool about it!
Also when you re-visit a city after 5 years don’t expect the roads to be re-named and all the city land marks to be demolished. I am sure dynamic new-york must have offered some amazing new buildings and spots when you got back!
sonia / May 9th, 2007, 12:16 am / #
30in2005: Thank you.
Desigirl: Thank you - feels good to know am not the only one who still calls Madras by its proper name
Venky: Thank you.
Yuva: Thank you. My problem was I didn’t even expect to recognize Madras - I was told of any numbers of shopping malls, girls in mini skirts, and scores of other things which made me feel that it would no longer be the place I grew up in. Clearly, I was wrong. As you say, the city very much continues to keep its traditions the same.
Shoefy: Thank you,, I did have a lot of fun. Back now - but am going back before not too long. So it’s all good.
curiouscat: You too, eh? It’s a wonder how anyone keeps names straight when I’m told that it’s that Senthil, not the other Senthil…
Ashwin: Thank you! I like it that you still call it “my city”
Sunil: Many thanks. No matter what my aunt believes, those bottles really were brought in by dinner guests. Being a desi, I stow all food items in the refrigerator, where I feel they won’t get spoilt… What exactly am saving them for, god only knows…
Sonia: If I knew how to lose 20 pounds, well, I would have lost them, wouldn’t I? And yes you’re spot on - I don’t belong any where now… And you’re also right about roads not being renamed in 5 years - as I said, my mistake was in expecting too much to have changed, since I probably have changed quite a bit myself. I felt it would only serve me right if what I think of as my home base went and changed on me too. It is a relief to realize that neither of us has moved that far away from where we started.
DoZ / May 9th, 2007, 2:44 pm / #
I saw “enga(worse namma)” line and thought you were a kannada/tam blend…and immediately jumped on to the page :))
Have a nice stay.
Cheers
Sathya
Sathya / May 11th, 2007, 5:48 am / #
wonderful post
one thing i noticed(remembered) when back home was how loud the sound was in the theaters..do catch a movie if u can
catcharun / May 15th, 2007, 9:24 pm / #
What a wonderful post! You capture the ‘home-coming’ feeling so very well. During the 80s (pre-Internet, inexpensive ISD calls, etc.), when I first visited the US for a long duration, the feeling of big changes while you were away was markedly larger. Things are much better now, ’cause while you may be away, the real-time information flow keeps you connected in ways that was not possible earlier. Great blog!
Shantanu / May 23rd, 2007, 1:30 am / #
haha, that was an awesome read.
I am from Madras too, and it’s really being difficult ‘trying’ to call it Chennai! Ugh.
My last trip was quite the shocker, I felt like a pattikattu walking around the hip spots. A single roadside didn’t even lay a glance towards my direction. That’s quite unsettling. *sigh.
In any case, enjoy Madras. Was a nice read, dropped in via SM.
Rads / June 1st, 2007, 12:18 pm / #
hmm.. ok, that didn’t sound too tasteful now did it? Oh well
Rads / June 1st, 2007, 3:28 pm / #
So true. ‘mada sambranai’?! Whatever happened to kabodhi?:-)
Deepa / June 7th, 2007, 4:08 pm / #
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