Steel your­self for some bad news: Pesky sci­en­tists at Clem­son Uni­ver­sity have appar­ently deter­mined that apply­ing the five-second rule to dropped food will not actu­ally pre­vent the food from gath­er­ing bac­te­ria. And appar­ently, there is no excep­tion for key lime pies. No won­der sci­ence sucks.

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