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When Crummy, Cruddy, Cheesy and Crappy Compete

The last month has seen several truly remarkable things happen to this blog: We turned into a group blog with two real contributors, and several imaginary ones. Our fan following among pharmaceutical companies seems to have increased, and like all delirious new fans, they can’t seem to stop writing to us. (We might trash your letters, ladies, but your affection means a lot to us.)

We watched four horrid Tamil movies. While that in itself is not remarkable, what is remarkable is that we have refrained from reviewing any of them. Even this post is not a review per se. It is about celebrating the movies in question and rewarding them for the things they did.

And so, without further ado, Ladies, Pharmaceutical Industry Representatives and other Gentlemen, here we go.

The Freakist Bird Flu-ke Award:

Kamna Jethmalani, the lead girl in Idhaya Thirudan wants to send an anonymous email to her mom. She types up the email – whose contents are the proud recipients of another award – but she can’t figure out how to sign the email.

Unable to pick a random name, she picks up a pigeon hovering nearby and lays it gently on top of the keyboard. The pigeon walks back, then forth. Then forth again, and back once more. And then flies away, to leave the half dressed girl staring at the screen.

The pigeon had just keyed in T. Mahesh, which happens to be the name of.. you guessed it, the hero of the movie. What an incredibly clever way to move a story forward. Anyone out there who still thinks our moviemakers are unimaginative?

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Listening, Looking, Ignoring

I’ve been a spectator for a while now.

I watched silently, Krishna in tow, when a bunch of classmates decided to take a peek into the girls dressing room on a trip to Bangalore. And listened to their stories – much exaggerated, much embellished – afterwards, and wondered for a second if Krishna and I had missed out on something. Later, guilt.

I expressed a bit of disbelief and not much more when I heard that some of the guys that I studied with worked. Where working means getting off standing behind a girl in a crowded bus. Really getting off.

I’ve seen a lot. In buses and movie theaters, upscale malls and vegetable markets. From catcalls to breathing down the neck, from elbowing a fellow passenger to things a bit more than elbowing. Everytime, a silent “What the…” and I’ve moved on. Sometimes, not even that.

And for the last week, I’ve watched an incredible lineup of posts for the Blank Noise Blogathon, and stayed silent myself.

Until now, until this post. In the hope that something’ll come out of it all.

Tag: blog-a-thon 2006

Itemized Reductions

When is the right time to write about Penang?

After is when.

After the initial fascination that magnifies the slightest of contrasts into exotic singularities has worn off. After overcoming the shock of being surrounded by people speaking my language, of having to watch what I say; of not looking too out of place in a large gathering of people not discussing immigration issues. After the joy of seeing an Indian restaurant at every street corner has been washed away by the watery sambar, after realizing that tea with condensed milk is not such a great idea.

Now is when. But what?

Surely not the architectural dichotomy of George Town, fostered by arcane rent control laws. Through which the massive, utterly characterless Komtar sits right next to the modern Prangin Mall, and seedy, unpainted establishments occupy most of downtown. Nothing we haven’t seen before, right? Even though blind massages aren’t exactly the norm in most places.

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A Tepid Testimonial

Bhavna clutching an umbrella, Sunil clutching an underarm.

The boy: toughie, hired goon, bearded brute, all rough edges and bad acting, tall and dark and not so handsome.

The girl: heart that bleeds for all, assists helpless people cross roads, smooth and pretty and voluptuous and rich and pretty and smooth. Sigh. I mean, scratch the sigh.

How could they not fall in love? And how could he not turn over a new leaf, bringing a few oddball leaves along with him to keep him entertained at newdom? And how could their wedding plans not be rudely interrupted by her seeing him visit someplace not nice? And how could they not… well, no spoilers on this blog folks. By the way, for the record, this post is about a movie called Chithiram Pesudhadi.

“Ordinary plot,” you want to say, “hackneyed and trite, tried and tested (and failed).” True, we say, the movie is all that, but it has a little bit more going for it – it is disarmingly unpretentious and heartwarmingly earnest. The earnestness of a first time director striving hard – very hard – within his contraints to salvage something out of a mediocre script shines through every frame, drawing empathy from his viewers, and Chithiram manages to get off with sympathetic winces where another movie would’ve gotten a groan or two.
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Blog Mela Redux

Here we go… the much delayed blog mela is finally up. Sorry about the delay – I signed up a long time ago for this, and circumstances have conspired to make my week miserably busy.

First up, this delectable little gem from Sidin. Certainly the funniest post of the week, and possibly one of the funniest ever. One post like this can make hosting a mela so much fun.

The esoterically named Gounder Brownie comes up with a splendid use for cabbages. An innovative twist on the idea that I came up with all by myself would be to use a lettuce in much the same manner – it has the added advantage of costing less money. Veena chimes in with some Valentine’s day advice of her own. Gawker manages to look through all this Dick Cheney brouhaha and draw conclusions that lay certain dodgy old demons to rest. Nice. And here’s a post from Megha I forgot to include the first time around – about what people seek and what people get.

Next up, the usual suspects. Jai Arjun Singh writes an awesome review; Chandrahas has a great post on literature – poet Jeet Thayil in this case; Amit has a series of offbeat posts about Pakistan; the folks at Sepia Mutiny churn out great posts. Humility prevents me from linking to this post on Thai Pusam, but not to Chenthil’s post on the same topic. DoZ on this blog, waxes eloquent about pleasure, pain, books, movies, life. Falstaff rhymes, then rants. And does it well. In other words, it was a week like any other.

The obligatory State of Fear post of the week. This time from Patrix. Unrelated, but here’s Sunil’s comprehensive review of Indu Sundaresan’s The Twentieth Wife. And Karthik just realized that one can use as many as three apostrophes in a single sentence.

Gayathri on the perils of choice. The title of her post reminds me of the funniest Subway story I’ve heard yet: My freshly arrived friend’s reply to the “For here or to go” question was: Both. And look ma: Three colons on this paragraph. Make that four: Sibyl, bless her soul, has a post on crossdressers and transgendereators. Now if that doesn’t bring me visitors, what will? By the way, great word, isn’t it? Transgenderators. Must be a smart guy that coined it. To keep the dressing thme going, here’s Tilo on non-violent silk; and the thread continues as she talks about the silk weavers of Madurai. Did I say one post per person? Bah.

Full2Faltu reminisces about the good old times when DoorDarshan was the only game in town. Oh, what’s the big deal if a guy makes a few (million) bucks on the way to killing a lot of bad people? Let him go, for he does what we cannot says Navin. From Cynical Nerd, a longish post about cheerleaders. Before you rush to click, be warned: there are no pictures, and many of them are old and male. Arrgh.

Spaceman Spiff wants states to be reorganized, Jeyavel has some predictions for India’s cities, Incredibly Me talks about oil changes, the Soliloquist muses on being an Indian. Or something like that, it was a long post, so pliss excuse me. Vivek talks about a village that built its own railway station.

Zero – who wants me to make no jokes – qualifies for the longest post of the week award with this. Speaking of which, Sandeep writes a Joyceian post about ballgirls and wins the longest sentence without any punctuation award hands down.

On Sports – cricket, of course – Prem Panicker’s outstanding blog still outstands, the atrocious interface notwithstanding. Anti isn’t too pleased about Moin Khan shooting his mouth off and Ruchir Joshi (who shares Rediff’s horrid interface with Prem) links to a video on who chucks and who doesn’t. By the way, if your vocabulary is not tuned to cricketese, let me clarify that rhyme notwithsanding, chuckin’ doesn’t mean what you think it means. Dirty chuckers.

The quote of the week, from PrufrockTwo. “Books may be easy to burn, but they aren’t that easy to get rid of.”

The next Mela is at Ashish’s Niti.

Blog Mela: Nomination Call

Upupdate: Apologies, folks. Check back tomorrow. Are you done with that book?

Update: We are collating posts, and will be posting the mela soon. Until then, read a book or something.
This blog will host the Bharateeya Blog Mela this week, and etcetera (Motto: “Oh no, not again!”) invites you to nominate posts subject to the following rules:

  • Posts must be written by Indians, or have an Indian connection of some sort.
  • Posts must be dated between the 9th and the 16th of February 2006.
  • Only nominations received before midnight on the 16th will be considered for the mela
  • Nomination does not guarantee publication, non-nomination does not preclude publication. In other words, we will get one of the underlings to scour the web for posts.
  • One post per writer, please.

Much Bragging

For the next few weeks, I’ll be guest blogging at Sepia Mutiny. *Gloats*.

And while I am out traumatizing a wider audience, Doz, who runs a delightful little blog at Dreaming of Zihuatanejo will take over here. Please be nice to me when I come back.

Let me go back to gloating now.

Raining Sardines, Talking Cats

KafkaTo call Kafka On The Shore an imaginative book would be gross understatement. It is wildly, feverishly, outrageously imaginative; a book where bizarre ideas share space with profound thoughts and sublime writing coexists with cheesy humor that this blog wouldn’t publish. (Yes, I can think of at least seven really funny things I’ve rejected – I’ll write a post about it soon. Plus I am disappointed you guys don’t know the difference between reviewer’s license and hyperbole.)

“Well, tell me then , Toro, is there some reason you’re here?”

“There is,” the black cat said. “I thought you might be having a hard time dealing with that stone all alone.”

“You got that right. Definitely. I’m in kind of a fix here.”

“I thought I’d lend you a hand.”

“That would be great,” Hoshino said. “Take a paws in your schedule, eh?”

In other words, Kafka on the Shore is just another Haruki Murakami book. Murakami is a delightfully inventive writer, and Kafka On The Shore brings together all the qualities that’ve made him so popular with audiences the world over. After his “discovery” in the mid-nineties with The Wind Up Bird Chronicle, Murakami, with his distinctive brand of writing that blurs the boundary between what is real and what is not, has acquired almost cult status in the West. On one level, his books are dense, broody musings on loneliness and love; on another they are racily narrated fantasies laced with generous (tongue-in-cheek) references to pop culture. The dichotomy intrigues, drawing readers into the books. And the books never disappoint: they are dreamy fantasies set in the present, and the author’s overactive imagination ensures that there is never a dull moment, if you’ll pardon the cliche.

Kafka on the Shore is a book about a young boy who calls himself Kakfa (Duh!) (which means crow in Czech, apparently)(Clarification: Kafka means Crow, not Duh!). Kafka, whose mom and sister had abandoned him early on, runs away from home at fifteen to get away from his dad. Kafka is also running away from a prophecy of his dad. (The parallels with Murukami’s short story in the New Yorker are obvious:

“Among the women a man meets in his life, there are only three who have real meaning for him. No more, no less,” his father said–or, rather, declared. He spoke coolly but with utter certainty, as he might have in noting that the earth takes a year to revolve around the sun.

) (etcetera: We close parantheses.())

Johnnie WalkerIn another thread in the book, Nakata, a lovable old man who lost his mind in a bizarre World War II incident leaves Tokyo for “somewhere west.” Nakata, who can talk to cats, hitchhikes his way (rather eventfully) to where Kafka is now, propelled by mysterious forces within his mind. He is running towards something, but he is also running away from a gruesome murder that he committed. Or did he?

Kafka ends up at a quaint little family library in a quaint little town. On the way though, he meets a girl who he thinks could be his sister. And at the library, he runs into the following people.

  1. Oshima, the uber-smart library assistant who says mysterious, metaphysical, profound, philosophical things with a straight face. Like so:

“Speaking of contradictions,” Oshima suddenly says, “when I first met you I felt a kind of contradiction in you. You’re seeking something, but at the same time you’re running away for all you’re worth.” [Please nod sagely. There you go, that's it.]

Oshima is uber-smart, so quoting Yeats ( “In dreams begin responsibility”) and Aristophanes or drawing on Greek Philosophy ( “Cassandra’s curse”) to explain everyday predicaments comes easily to him. As does having a lot of fun at the expense of a couple of poor feminists:

“Yes, may I help you?” Oshima asks her amiably.

“Just to let you know, we are investigating public cultural facilities in the entire country from a woamn’s point of view, looking at ease of use, fair access and other issues,” she says. “Our group is doing a year-long investigation and plans to publish a report on our findings. A large number of women are involved in this project, and the two of us happen to be in charge of this region.”

[...]

“What we’ve concluded is that, unfortunately, this library has several issues which need to be addressed.”

“From the viewpoint of women, is what you’re saying,” Oshima commented.

“Correct, from the viewpoint of women,” the woman answers. She clears her throat.

[...]

“Well, first of all you have no toilet set aside for women. That’s correct, isn’t it?”

‘Yes, that’s right. There’s no women’s toilet in this library. We have one toilet for the use of both men and women.”

“Even if you are a private institution, since you’re open to the public don’t you think – in principle – that you should provide separate toilets for women and men?”

“In principle?” Oshima says.

“Correct. Shared facilities give rise to all sorts of harassment. According to our survey, the majority of women are reluctant to use shared toilets. This is a clear cae of neglect of your female patrons.”

“Neglect…” Oshima says, and makes a face as though he’s swallowed something bitter by mistake He doesn’t much like the sound of the word, it would seem.

“An intentional oversight.”

“Intentional oversight,” he repeats, and gives some thought to this clumsy phrase.

“So what is your reaction to all this?” the woman asks, barely containing her irritation.

“As you can see,” Oshima says, “we’re a very small library. And unfortunately we don’t have the sapce for separate toilets. Naturally it would be better to have separate toilets, but none of our patrons has ever complained. For better or for worse, our library doesn’t get very crowded. If you’d like to pursue this issue of separate toilets further, I suggest you got to the Boeing headquartes inSeattle and addreess the issue of toilets on 747s. A 747′s much bigger than our little library, and much more crowded. As far as I’m aware, all toilets on passenger aircraft are shared by men and women.”

“The tall woman frowns at him severely, her cheekbones jjutting forward and her glasses riding up her nose. “We are not investigating aeroplanes. 747s are beside the point.”

“Wouldn’t toilets in both jets and in our library – in principle – give rise to the same sorts of problems?”

“We are investigating, one by one, public facilities. We’re not here to argue over principles.

“Oshmias’s supple smile never fades during this exchange. “Is that so?” I could have sworn that principles were exactly what we were discussing.”

And so it goes. An exchange that later veers towards a discussion of red herrings, shifting analogies, Aristotle and phallocentric logicical fallacies before it ends with a revelation that would’ve been explosive in any other book. Here, coming after sardines raining and a dog interrupting Nakata’s conversation with a cat to lead him to a man dressed like Johnny Walker (whisky mogul, evil cat eater) who proceeds to eat live cat hearts, it is just another event. Murakami’s world is full of them.

Oshima is the reader’s muse in the book – erudite and unruffled, he “explains” (if you can call bits of tangential loud thinking that) what is going on to both Kafka and us.

2. (etcetera:we get our numbering right).

3. On the bus out of Tokyo, Oshima also meets Sakura, a hot young girl who he thinks could be his sister.Naturally. Kafka and Sakura form a bond on the bus, and later on, Kafka rapes her in his dream. But dreams blur into reality in this book, so one can’t really be sure. Sakura and Kafka carry on a conversation that might explain the preponderance of alarming coincidences in the book.

“Even chance meetings… Are the result of Karma.”

“Right, right,” she says. “But what does it mean?”

“That things in life are fated by our previous lives. That even the in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.”

4. And finally, Miss Saeki. She is the stately woman with a sad past she won’t discuss, who runs the library that Oshima works in. Kafka, naturally, thinks she could be his mom. There are tantalizing clues that seem to point to the theory – Miss Saeki was a lightning researcher and Kafka’s dad was once struck by lightning. But when Kafka asks her the question, all he gets is something to the effect of “You already know the answer to that.” And he accepts the answer and moves on. Occasionally, Miss Saeki becomes a fifteen year old girl and dons shiny white costumes and goes to Kafka’s room. This confuses Kafka no end, and his discussions with Oshima about Miss Saeki lead to the conclusion that this is probably a “living ghost.” The title of the book – Kafka on the Shore, is also the title of the hit single that Miss Saeki composed when she was young. The lyrics of the song are riddled with symbolism, and Kafka’s sees a lot of parallels between his life and the lyrics. And so on it goes…

Meahwhile, hitchhiking old man Nakata, after causing leeches to fall from the sky, ends up at the same town as Kafka, by sheer chance. Nakata has forgotten first person usage, so conversations with him remind you of conversations between Elaine and Jimmy.

Nakata is sleepy.

Colonel SandersA truck driver who picks him up on the way is intrigued by Nakata and decides to accompany him on his quest for something that also happens to be – by chance – mentioned in Miss Saeki’s hit single.

The truck driver, Hoshino, later encounters a spirit dressed up as Colonel Sanders. Colonel Sanders has a slightly differerent job description here: he is a supernatural pimp, who gets Hoshino a girl that is very adept at quoting Henri Bergson and Hegel. Together, Hoshino and the prostitute find the perfect use for philosopy.

“See, you’re ready to go again,” the girl remarked, slowly seguing into her next set of motions. “Any special reqeusts? Something you’d like me to do? Mr. Sanders asked me to make sure you got everything you wanted.”

“I can’t think of anything special, but could you quote some more of that philosophy stuff? I don’t know why, but it might keep me from coming so quickly. Otherwise, I’ll lose it pretty fast.”

“Let’s see . . . This is fairly old, but how about some Hegel?”

“Whatever.”

[...]

“‘At the same time that “I” am the content of a relation, “I” am also that which does the relating.’”

The hilarious encounters between Sanders and Hoshino are the funniest parts of the book, with Murakami at his biting best.

“Listen – God only exists in people’s minds. Especially in Japan God’s always been a kind of flexible concept. Look at what happened after the war. Dougnal MacArthur ordered the divine emperor to quit being God, and he did, making a speech saying he was just an ordinary person. So after 1946 he wasn’t God anymore. That’s what Japanese gods are like – they can be tweaked and adjusted. Some American chomping on a cheap pipe gives the order and presto change-o – God’s no longer God. A very postmodern kind of thing. if you think God’s there, He is. If you don’t, He isn’t. And if that’s what God’s like I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Typical of Murakami, when the denoument comes (and goes), it leaves you with more questions than answers. Some philosophical, some practical. (“Was there a message in all this?” “What is he trying to say?” “Was Miss Saeki Kafka’s mom?”). What is the point, the overarching explanation that ties it all up? How could Hoshino start talking to cats? Was the stone the entrance to heaven? What is the significance of the paradise like land suspended between two worlds? Is this a fable? Or like a reviewer claims, is the whole book about giving shape to internal thoughts of the characters?

But then, a little bit of thought provides the answer: It doesn’t matter. There is so much fun to be had when reading the book, and some more fun thinking about all the questions, and that could very well be the whole point.

New York Times Featured Author Profile.

Sneak Peek

In which we announce that the next post will not be about how the author ended up in India all of a sudden. Let it be known though, this is not a vacation. No way. Really.

In which we squelch malicious rumors that you have to pay to view this site henceforth. Not this year, no.

In which we promise to put an end to bad jokes, and post something substantially unfunny substantially soon. We don’t want to drive Sybil away.

In which we must mention that our internet connection isn’t all that bad, so we don’t really have excuses for not updating for a while.

In which we direct you to go read this blog. This post notwithstanding, rumors that we want to wrest the byline away from them are untrue.

And finally, a public service announcement: We warn you to not search for sneak peek on google images.

Dark Humor

etcetera ( Motto: “If you think our name is banal, wait till you read our posts”) is one of the few blogs nominated for the Best Indian Blog of the Year award. Pause for laughter. Sepia Mutiny is not in there. Longer pause.

We strongly belive that the only thing that stands between greatness and us is our comments policy. So people, as soon as we find an email provider who gives us enough room to store all the emails we get (mostly pictures of admirers interested in romantic relationships with the handsome guy that writes all these posts) we will disable comments. And then there’s no stopping us.

Update: etcetera (New Motto: “Bad jokes are our forte, if you hate them, take us to courte”) would like to mention that through the flippant exterior it is all mushy and is actually humbled by the honor: The wife actually voted for it, and if you add Chenthil it got TWO votes. Beat that, Amit.

PS: etcetera ( Newest Motto: “We are running out of mottos”) promises that it will not update this post anymore.